My Purpose?

Who doesn't go through life searching for what their purpose is?  I don't know many peole that can tell me that they have never thought about what purpose they have here on earth.
I, for one, ponder this question every day.  What is my purpose?  My usual answer is, "Whatever God wants to use me for." Generic, I know, but true.  Another answer I often give is "It's not about me...". 
Rewind a month or so. MOPS did a "Sort and Shop" night at We Care.  I LOVE buying books. If I could design an office/den area of my dream home, it would be floor to ceiling book shelves stuffed with the unusually delightful smell of bound pages! Moving along, I bought "The Purpose Driven Life" for probably less than 99 cents that night. It has been sitting on my bookshelf staring at me since that night.  While in a bookstore on vacation in September, I had a little lady go into great detail how "The Purpose Driven Life" really helped her. Hmm...:)
Skip to now. I have cracked open TPDL and have started on Day 1. To be quite honest, one of the reasons I never started is because I am horrible about finishing things I start. I get halfway done with something and just say (pardon) "SCREW IT".  My prayer is that I can start and finish this. I've never finished any "study", "guide" or the like-ever. I've dropped out of two Beth Moore bible studies (GASP-I know), and I am just SCREAMING inside "WHAT AM I DOING HERE? HELP ME GOD, HELP ME."
Over the summer I had a very clear, defining, healing moment in my life and Praise God for that! I know exactly how awesomely GREEN AND CLEAN the grass is on the other side! Right now, I am working through some very, very tough spots in my past. I have some things that just bring me to my knees at the the thought of thinking about it. God is using some amazing people to encourage me, to listen to me, and help me along the way.  I am floored at how God brings people into and out of our lives to help us through our journey. I know it won't be easy (and I know the enemy is on attack) but I have no doubt that it WILL.BE.WORTH.IT.  Ultimately, to have that space in my soul clear for God to mold and shape into what He has planned out for me is why I am on this journey to begin with.

" Everything got started in him and finds its purpose in him." Colossians 1:16b (The Message)

"For by Him all things were breated: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; ALL THINGS WERE CREATED BY HIM AND FOR HIM." Colossians 1:16 (NIV)

".......everything was created through Him and for Him." Colossians 1:16 (NLT)

I don't plan on blogging through every step of my journey-I don't really have time for that. I will update when I feel like it.

My hope is here: " We can turn to what God has revealed about life in his Word.  The easiest way to discover the purpose of an invention is to ask the creator of it.  The same is true for discovering your life's purpose: Ask God." -Rick Warren, TPDL

Let the journey toward the light begin....

October 6th-wow!

So. I just now realize that my last post was September 29th-a week ago. Hmm, i've just been really busy. I had every intention of blogging at some point, but I guess my POINT is now. :) 

I am actually looking forward to tomorrow so much. I DO NOT have to leave my house unless I really want to.  Then, of course, I am thinking of something that I will probably have to leave for...but  not a biggie. Tonight was our AWANA night. The kids, yes all three of them, go to AWANA for a glorious hour and a half.  They all seem to really enjoy it and we use their story and memory verse as our "bible" for school. :) I just hit on each key thing and help them with memorization. What I didn't realize is the perks that this guaranteed hour and a half would have. (Man, how glad I am they talked me into enrolling M!) 
  So far, I have: been to dirt cheap and chinese with a bf, met for milkshakes and girltalk with another bf, spent time on the treadmill exercise, praying and praising, met with my MM for girltalk and spent time with my husband when is off on that particular Wednesday. So, not only do I know my kids having a great time...I am too! Who'da Thunk? :)  I had a great time with my MM tonight and can't wait to schedule more of those moments! What a blessing she is and how thankful I am for her!!


We have been busy with alot of this:

And this:

And this:

And this:

This, of course, does not include homeschooling, church, meetings, and basic home duties! I stay tired-alot. :) 

So, for the WEEK worth of spin-down's...I shall just do one big one on this day. I am really not in the mood to try and recall every though of the last week.

Outside my window: Is a glowing pumpkin that my kids just adore. I love how glittery and sparkly it looks. I love the fall and all of its harvest-ness.

I am thinking: of how busy my next week seems to be. And, how much I have no desire in the world (okay, maybe just a slight bit), to go to my high school reunion this weekend.  Will I regret not going and "What's the worst that could happen?"  I still, at this point, have no desire to go. Oh well, one day and a few prayers later could change my mind.

I am wearing: PJ's

I am remembering: How badly my knee hurts when the weather starts to get cool. OUCH!

I am going: To bed and read!

I am currently reading: The Yada Yada Prayer Group #3

I am hoping: for world peace. Seriously.

On my mind: How lovely the silence is after a long day.

Pondering these words:  "I don't want to gain the whole word and lose my soul..."

Praying about: Lifting up two MOPS moms that (1) is in labor now and (1) who will be induced tomorrow.

In the kitchen: Cleanliness..aaaaahhhh. :) Gotta love a clean kitchen. We had BBQ "muffins" tonight. It was an E-mealz meal. But, since (like usual) I burned my muffin pan up, I had to just lay the biscuit dough out and top it with all of the ingredients. It was good, but not very healthy. Oh well.

Around the house: It's semi-clean...and I don't care. :)

One of my favorite things: Is reading the kids' bedtime bible to them and praying with them.

From my camera:

Wednesday, September 29


Outside my window: Not really sure what. I know my nextdoor neighbors pulled in with some boom boom going on-quite annoying. My nightinggale that normally is singing away was probably frightened by the loud booming-ha.
I am thinking: I am exhausted and have a headache.
I am wearing: Old tshirt and shorts-what's new? :)
I am remembering: That I need to make a phonecall in the morning.
I am going:  To our soccer game tomorrow and hopefully no where until then! Sometimes, I get really tired of going.  Chris and the boys are supposed to "camp" in the backyard. Yeah, we shall see how long that lasts.
I am currently reading: Same as the post yesterday. :)
I am hoping:  For world peace. Seriously.
On my mind:  Is this not the same as "I am thinking.."?? 
Pondering these words:
Praying:  For different people, but personally, for compassion and clairity.
In the kitchen:  A rare thing around my house: dishes in the sink.  That is one of my  niches I guess..I cannot stand to wake up to a dirty sink.  But, time slipped away from me before taking the kids to AWANA tonight and I just didn't have time to clean out the dishwasher to put my few dirty bowls in. I also have chili in the crockpot, lefftover from tonight in hopes my beans will soften. I soaked these suckers for over an hour at least...and they were still hard. Dern, beans!
Around the house: I have to say that M's room is rather organized and clean. The kids room-oh my.  Main area's arent too bad. We LIVE here ya know. :)
One of my favorite things: The power of a good worship/praise song. I got on the treadmill tonight while the kids were at AWANA.  I turned on my mp3 thing (that Aime so generously gave to me after refusing to allow me to carry my CD PLAYER to the gym any longer) and really worshiped and praised God. I turned into a normally dreadful (because of the pain in my knee and ankle) time into an awesome 25 minutes with my Lord.  So, singing with my eyes closed and lifting my hands was a bit difficult, but did happen a few times. But for safety (if you know me, you know I probably need to keep my eyes OPEN) I had to worship with my eyes open even though i really wanted to close them. :) :)

From my camera:

Just a piece of clipart I think I used for MOPPETS one time. So, I was just going through my library.  What an awesome price my Savior paid for ME.  For ME (and you).  My I praise Him all my days. Thank you, for loving me my Savior.

Tuesday, September 28th

Today is Tuesday, September 28th:

Outside my window: My two little monkeys (E and N) are climbing in their favorite tree on this BEAUTIFUL day.
I am thinking: about an appointment I have coming up.
I am wearing: Nasty brown capris and a one of my favorite (with a hole in it) tshirts that reads " Occupation: Mother  When is my 15 minute break?" :)
I am remembering: things that I have forgotten to do.
I am going: To our Boy Scout pack meeting tonight.
I am thankful for: My friends.
I am currently reading:  bible, "The Yada Yada Prayer Group" and "You are what you eat"
I am hoping: for world peace. Seriously.
On my mind: My friends A and D.
Pondering these words: .....my past does not define who I am today.....
Praying : for several friends
In the kitchen:  It is clean.  We eat supper rather early (around 4pm) because of C's schedule. We had homemade pizza and carrot sticks tonight.
Around the house:  Nothing got accomplished today but I am enjoying all of the sunlight pouring through the windows. :)
One of my favorite things:  AUTUMN!!!
From my camera:

I am one blessed gal! Thank you and love you, RHM! Miss you and Love you ADK, So proud of you and love you AEW!   These girls are fantastic. :)  I love them.  I need convention again! Shall we have a slumber party girls? (I promise, I won't make you sleep on the floor, Aime...will the couch suffice? Haha.)

Monday, September 27th:

Outside my window:  There is a GLORIOUSLY beautiful day that God has given me the chance to see, yet again.  How amazing that our God created this perfect sync of colors, textures, songs and sights. Wow. I am looking forward to my walk (which WILL HAPPEN) this afternoon.
I am thinking: About Makennah's nap, doing a bit of school with the boys, and the need for vacuuming.
I am wearing: Ha. Red shorts and a red short....GO RED. :)
I am remembering: My grandparents. Seriously, a shout out to all of you young punks that think there is no time in the world for anyone else but yourself. CHERISH THOSE GRANDPARENTS. If you have them, they are truly a blessing.  Spend time talking with them about their childhood and experiences, spend time with the period.  I am thankful for the time that I did have with my grandparents, but oh what I wouldn't do to have them see my children and the mother I have become. :) I am pretty sure they would be proud-and that makes me glad.
I am going: To the Sort and Shop tonight...I am pretty stinkin' excited!!! :)
I am currently reading: Bible, "The Yada Yada Prayer Group"
I am hoping: for World Peace. Seriously.
On my mind: What ISN'T on my mind.
Pondering these words: "The Father sent His Son to be the Savior of the world." 1John 4:14 
"We love because He first loved us." 1John 4:19    All I can ponder is: how amazing is HIS love for us. Wow.
Praying about: A vast array of things.
In the kitchen: Yardsale stuff litters my counter space, supper is dethawing (a casserole) and the sink is clean.
Around the house: Organization is actually coming along...its like Autumn cleaning...instead of spring. :)
One of my favorite things: How Chris and I can just exchange glances sometimes and know exactly what each other is thinking..and most of the time...break out into laughter. :)
From my camera: (scanner this time)

I suppose this is around 1996-97 (judging that I was in my jeans and tshirt ONLY stage-and the bangs). My MawMaw, MeMaw and (great) Uncle Pete have gone to  be with Jesus, but I am so incredibly happy to have had them in my life. :)

Favorite Music: One Of These Days

This is an older song that I have loved for quite some time. :) It just confirmed that One of these days...I will see my Savior. And, THAT, will be one amazing, awesomely fabulous day!!!!!! 

FFH: "One of these Days" (live)

Music Favorites: Beautiful, Beautiful

This song has been a favorite of mine for some time. A part in the lyrics "sunlight burning at midnight"...wow...Jesus really is the light in my dark.  He has brought me through so many deep, dark, horrible times. ( And continues to do so...) He is truly the shining light in my life. Even in the dark days, I know that my Jesus is the only light I need to help me through.

Francesca Battistelli (singing live) "Beautiful Beautiful"

Music Favorites: More Like Falling in Love

This is another one of my favorite songs. How amazingly accurate of how I feel.  It is totally about losing my heart to Jesus.  It's not about "religion". .... It is finding that love in Jesus that brings about real change. 

Below is the video of Jason Gray singing live his song "More Like Falling in Love".  I really recommend listening to this song...every word...every single word.

Countdown to MOPS Convention: OH MY!!!!!!!

Lately, I have been feeling like my feet are in concrete. You know, like those dreams you have when you're trying to run, but your feet are so heavy you never move? I feel like I am running, but my heart is so heavy that I am constantly staying in one place, never moving forward.

Enter: MOPS Convention 2010  Yep, that is right, I am going to Orlando, FL with nine other amazing women for four days and three nights of comradery, fun, growth, praise, worship and relaxation.  This convention really is God's amazing timing. I NEED this. I feel like my fuel is on empty. I need a great tune up from the greatest physician. I need my tank filled from the #1 powered fuel. My prayer is this convention empowers me as a mother, relaxes my very tired soul, and that God hears our prayers for this time of fellowship and fun and that His presence is felt the entire time.  

Now, anyone that knows me knows I have OCD-like qualities to my personality.  I have been planning for about two weeks on what to wear, pack, etc. I am bringing my own pillow(S) and my own blanket. I have already budgeted my lunch and supper. I have Lysol on my list of "To buy".  I have my jewelry matched to each outfit (okay earrings because the only other thing I wear is my mother's necklace and my wedding rings). (Throwing a rock into my plan of what I was wearing is when the beading on one of my shirts came unraveled..Cato..you will be seeing me for an exchange! I haven't even worn this shirt yet!!!!)  I have what medicine I will be bringing JUST IN CASE for the treatment of: 1.) If I sprain an arm, ankle, etc 2.) Stomach virus (nausea/diarrhea) 3.) Sore throat/cold symptoms 4.) Headache/Mild pain    I also have on my list of "to do": 1.) Wax eyebrows (done)  2.) Color hair  3.)  Pedicure/paint toe nails   I know this all sounds crazy, but I seriously have to write EVERY THING down or I will forget it. I mean, I couldn't believe I have to write down a list of "to-do" for basic upkeep on MYSELF! What is funny, is that when I did a search for the MOPS Convention logo, different photos came up, but one that caught my eye was this: 

Yep, MOPS (or a dust broom..whatever). What really made me think is how mops are used frequently by us mothers. My mop is used for my floor, yes, but often times "it" is used for something far more than just cleaning.    Often times you hear that the mind of a child is like a sponge.  They absorb everything they see, hear and are taught.  Well, I see my mind is that of a mop. I am constantly having to try and gather all of my thoughts and plans that are in a state of chaotic disarray.  When I was younger (much like my sweet Elijah), I remembered EVERYTHING. I remembered every detail. I am sure I probably could put a date and time with the detail as well (especially if it were something that was to my benefit, like a toy. :) )  Now, you pour water on my sponge and it just goes straight through. There is no locking in the moisture (information) with me!  I will forever probably be a slave to my "lists" and be mopping all of my thoughts/lists/plans on to them.

So, that whole mop thing got me a bit side-tracked. :)  I am really thankful for the opportunity to go to convention. I raised all but 15$ that it took to pay for the trip. That was a HUGE weight lifted for me. I really do need this break. My prayer is that this "feet in concrete" feeling that I have will be obliterated by God's mighty workings. I know He has GREAT things planned for this convention. I do need this alone time. I'm not really alone, but I am taking a "vacation" from my "job".  I actually guess I could say I am on a "business trip" since my "business" is motherhood-and that is what convention is ALL ABOUT!!

Four days, three nights without my children or husband. Hmm, I am having mixed emotions about this.  I really am looking forward to getting myself ready a few mornings without Makennah swiping my mascara and trying to "put on may-up" or the always "Mommy, I can't find my _______!!!!!! (fill in blank with ANYTHING two six year old boys can lose or look over) :)  I am so stinkin' excited about the girl time. I am so excited to be rooming with three fantastic women. I am looking forward to all of the inspiration and encouragement I know that will be showered on me.  I am looking forward to getting to know nine other wonderful women. I am SO excited to see what God is going to do in me AND in others mom's hearts! I am so ready for this time of praise and worship. I am so ready for this ME AND GOD time. I.NEED.IT.    Then, I start thinking of my sweet boys. I haven't been away from them but once, when they were about 15 months old, for two nights. I have NEVER been away from M except for her staying overnight with Maw Maw and Paw Paw (and that has only been a handful of times).   I almost have tears just thinking about it. I know I probably will shed a few tears while at convention. I will miss Chris. I trust in God and I know that my sweet babies will be taken care of by my parents and by their Daddy for this time I am away. I think that my Mama has some fun things planned for them and Chris may take them swimming at the pool for probably the last time(s) of this summer. I have a tinge of guilt for taking this trip. I know they will enjoy this time and hopefully won't even miss me much.  I really need to refuel, refocus and re-prioritize.  Really, Because Better Moms......

.....Really DO Make a Better World!!!!

I have a ton of anxiety about the trip and about leaving my family. I've never done this before. It is totally brand new to me. I feel, though, I am taking that giant leap of faith and just going with it. Faith in knowing that my God, my protector, will keep us safe as we travel and are at convention. Faith in knowing not only is God protecting and providing for my children, but they are going to enjoy their one-on-one time with grandparents and their Daddy. Faith in knowing that HE KNOWS how badly I want my load lifted and faith in knowing that He will take care of that load.  I am going with what I know will be a blessed time and I can come home and mop everything back onto my lists and be refreshed for a new school year, a new MOPS year and a new year of mothering.

*Believe it or not, I am NOT taking my computer with me to convention and my phone does not have Internet capabilities. I will be (sort of) technology free for a few days, which is much needed. I will, however, try and blog a bit before I go to convention. Blogging about all this craziness is making me feel much better!!! :)

NOT SO "Sweet Emotion"

Last night, I felt a new emotion as a Mommy so fierce, so striking; it almost overwhelmed me. I am choosing not to go into a much detail as I have with cherished friends about this happening here, but more so channel into that "emotion" I had as a MOTHER. 

I am a mother that feels incredibly deep emotional ties to my children.  I now realize that C and I are fighting to maintain the innocense of our children in a world that wants to strip it away all too quickly. This world wants nothing more than to suck us up and spit us out forever damanged by it's effects. I, was one of those unfortunate ones that dealt with the worlds ugly reality. Not only do I pray that my children wear the armor of God, but I pray that I can help effectively coat that armor through my parenting that will build my children up into adults that are in this world and not of it. How tough is our job? The toughest job ever!

While venting to a handful of amazing women, one of my friends A said, "We are there to protect our children...and if that means the lioness comes out...so be it. No one else is gonna do it...."  She is right. No one else will protect our young like we can as parents. My God blessed me with these children and I see it as an honor, a privledge to have a love so deep as the loving of your own children can be. It is my job to protect them until they can protect themselves. As parents, it is OUR JOB to prepare our children for the cruel and scary world that awaits them. It is our job to teach them respect and right from wrong. It is our job to "train them up in the way they should go..."  It is my job to love these children unconditionally. I didn't say like them unconditionally, because, well sometimes that is just impossible! But to love them. Love them despite their faults, despite their failures, despite their accidents, despite their differences. To really love them in the good, the bad, the ugly.  We are to love as God loves us. He loves us despite it all.

I just pray that we can give them that godly foundation that they deserve. I often pray for the tools of parenting that no book can give me. I often pray for guidance in parenting. And I always find myself asking, "Lord, help ME to be a better parent."

I now think that with this "happening" that boiled up such emotion within my mothering soul behind me; I can look into the further with better understand of how to deal with myself when it happens again, and unfortunately, it will happen again.

Sunburn and blueberries

Wow. What a couple of days! Yesterday, I enjoyed some Mom time .We had a blast and I ended up getting really sunburned. Totally my fault, yes, I know.  Thank you R for the lavender in the aloegel tip and L for the aloe gel!! :) It feels much better!!! :) My kiddos, of course, were slathered TWICE with sunscreen and came home sunburn free.  They had such a good time. Can I just say that four hours of playing in the sun at the creek makes for AWESOME naps?? :)  I had to wake them up to get ready for VBS and they went straight to bed when we got home. Yay for the creek!!!!

I almost hate to admit it, but I really am enjoying the boys going to VBS. Last week it was during the early morning. It was great and I enjoyed the time I got to spend visiting with a few friends (with M in tow of course), but, this evening time is fabulous. Monday night my Daddy kept M while I went to Jalisco's with some other moms...super fun girl talk time! :) Tuesday night, I visited with R. Even though she almost burned my lips off with her hot sauce (that didn't come with a disclaimer until AFTER I put four glugs onto my meal) I had a great time and I know M did playing with EC. Love you, R! :) 

Tonight, I had a super fabulous time with four wonderful ladies. I laughed so hard my sunburn hurt and was a bit fearful that my sweet friend L may smack me, but all in all, I had a fantastic, much needed, girl time. :) Now, no girl time is complete without chocolate. We had quite the yummy spread.  Coffee, brownies, cookies and CHOCOLATE COVERED BLUEBERRIES.  I was a bit skeptical when R asked me the night before if I wanted to try them. Boy, am I glad for that introduction!! These little gems are DIVINE. The do look a bit on the, as my friend AK would say, "Look, it's reindeer poop." side; but who cares-they are awesomely delish!!  The oh-so easy recipe can be found here.  Thanks for hosting, R, I had a blast!!!!
At bedtime tonight, the boys wanted to say a prayer. Sometimes, they feel led to say a prayer, sometimes I say a prayer.  N's prayer was really sweet. It started with the normal, "Thank you God for this day...." and somewhere in the middle was, "and please help us to remember that VBS is learning about Jesus". :) It warmed my heart to hear that. C and I are so blessed with two very sweet, caring and loving little boys. My prayer is that they learn to love God with all of their hearts, worship Him and serve Him. I am excited to sweet what great men they will turn in to....don't want to rush it, though. :) Six years passed by WAY too fast!!!!
Anyway, so tomorrow is DAY 4 of VBS. I am pretty excited for tomorrow's activities as well. I think we might have a DC run. Wonder what treasures I can dig up with no kids in tow? :) Who knows, but I am really looking forward to R and A's company. Oh yea, and whoever else wants to go treasure hunting-COME ON!!!

Hopefully by tomorrow this sun burn will begin to feel a bit better. I can barely stand being out in the sun right now. Bra straps and shirts are almost unbearable. It has been MANY years since i've had a sunburn and I plan on it NEVER happening again! :)

I am a W-I-P

Lately, I have been struggling with the "Who am I?" syndrome. The obvious answer would be wife, mother, daughter, friend and so on.  But really "WHO AM I?" More often than not, I have to answer myself with, "You are a work-in-progress. You are being molded by God for His purpose."  And it hit me. Am I really being open to that "WIP"? Am I really just laying down WHO I AM now to the pallete of Who GOD wants me to be??? 
As I sit here, knowing that in just a few minutes I am going to get my morning started with breakfast, showering, and getting the kids ready for church. I am in such need for God's Word this morning and for worship time. I am such need for just personal, undistracted reflection and time with God.(Our worship time at church is one of my favorite things about this church, by the way. :) )
 Though I fail every second of every day...I really fail in my prayer life. To be honest, it is a roller coaster that I DO NOT like being on. It seems as though one week my conversations with God are often. The next week is just sporadic.  On those sporadic weeks, I feel so lost, so disconnected.
Being the scheduler I am, I feel like I need to even schedule quiet time with God. Not prayer (because that happens anytime, anywhere) but devotion, reflection and extra free-from-distractions prayer.  I find that I feel SO much better after I have this.
So anyway, I just had that on my mind. I am a W-I-P and God is creating in me the person that He wants me to be. All I have to be is open to let Him. That, sometimes, is the hardest thing to be.