Lately, I have been feeling like my feet are in concrete. You know, like those dreams you have when you're trying to run, but your feet are so heavy you never move? I feel like I am running, but my heart is so heavy that I am constantly staying in one place, never moving forward.
Enter: MOPS Convention 2010 Yep, that is right, I am going to Orlando, FL with nine other amazing women for four days and three nights of comradery, fun, growth, praise, worship and relaxation. This convention really is God's amazing timing. I NEED this. I feel like my fuel is on empty. I need a great tune up from the greatest physician. I need my tank filled from the #1 powered fuel. My prayer is this convention empowers me as a mother, relaxes my very tired soul, and that God hears our prayers for this time of fellowship and fun and that His presence is felt the entire time.
Now, anyone that knows me knows I have OCD-like qualities to my personality. I have been planning for about two weeks on what to wear, pack, etc. I am bringing my own pillow(S) and my own blanket. I have already budgeted my lunch and supper. I have Lysol on my list of "To buy". I have my jewelry matched to each outfit (okay earrings because the only other thing I wear is my mother's necklace and my wedding rings). (Throwing a rock into my plan of what I was wearing is when the beading on one of my shirts came unraveled..Cato..you will be seeing me for an exchange! I haven't even worn this shirt yet!!!!) I have what medicine I will be bringing JUST IN CASE for the treatment of: 1.) If I sprain an arm, ankle, etc 2.) Stomach virus (nausea/diarrhea) 3.) Sore throat/cold symptoms 4.) Headache/Mild pain I also have on my list of "to do": 1.) Wax eyebrows (done) 2.) Color hair 3.) Pedicure/paint toe nails I know this all sounds crazy, but I seriously have to write EVERY THING down or I will forget it. I mean, I couldn't believe I have to write down a list of "to-do" for basic upkeep on MYSELF! What is funny, is that when I did a search for the MOPS Convention logo, different photos came up, but one that caught my eye was this:
Yep, MOPS (or a dust broom..whatever). What really made me think is how mops are used frequently by us mothers. My mop is used for my floor, yes, but often times "it" is used for something far more than just cleaning. Often times you hear that the mind of a child is like a sponge. They absorb everything they see, hear and are taught. Well, I see my mind is that of a mop. I am constantly having to try and gather all of my thoughts and plans that are in a state of chaotic disarray. When I was younger (much like my sweet Elijah), I remembered EVERYTHING. I remembered every detail. I am sure I probably could put a date and time with the detail as well (especially if it were something that was to my benefit, like a toy. :) ) Now, you pour water on my sponge and it just goes straight through. There is no locking in the moisture (information) with me! I will forever probably be a slave to my "lists" and be mopping all of my thoughts/lists/plans on to them.
So, that whole mop thing got me a bit side-tracked. :) I am really thankful for the opportunity to go to convention. I raised all but 15$ that it took to pay for the trip. That was a HUGE weight lifted for me. I really do need this break. My prayer is that this "feet in concrete" feeling that I have will be obliterated by God's mighty workings. I know He has GREAT things planned for this convention. I do need this alone time. I'm not really alone, but I am taking a "vacation" from my "job". I actually guess I could say I am on a "business trip" since my "business" is motherhood-and that is what convention is ALL ABOUT!!
Four days, three nights without my children or husband. Hmm, I am having mixed emotions about this. I really am looking forward to getting myself ready a few mornings without Makennah swiping my mascara and trying to "put on may-up" or the always "Mommy, I can't find my _______!!!!!! (fill in blank with ANYTHING two six year old boys can lose or look over) :) I am so stinkin' excited about the girl time. I am so excited to be rooming with three fantastic women. I am looking forward to all of the inspiration and encouragement I know that will be showered on me. I am looking forward to getting to know nine other wonderful women. I am SO excited to see what God is going to do in me AND in others mom's hearts! I am so ready for this time of praise and worship. I am so ready for this ME AND GOD time. I.NEED.IT. Then, I start thinking of my sweet boys. I haven't been away from them but once, when they were about 15 months old, for two nights. I have NEVER been away from M except for her staying overnight with Maw Maw and Paw Paw (and that has only been a handful of times). I almost have tears just thinking about it. I know I probably will shed a few tears while at convention. I will miss Chris. I trust in God and I know that my sweet babies will be taken care of by my parents and by their Daddy for this time I am away. I think that my Mama has some fun things planned for them and Chris may take them swimming at the pool for probably the last time(s) of this summer. I have a tinge of guilt for taking this trip. I know they will enjoy this time and hopefully won't even miss me much. I really need to refuel, refocus and re-prioritize. Really, Because Better Moms......
.....Really DO Make a Better World!!!!
I have a ton of anxiety about the trip and about leaving my family. I've never done this before. It is totally brand new to me. I feel, though, I am taking that giant leap of faith and just going with it. Faith in knowing that my God, my protector, will keep us safe as we travel and are at convention. Faith in knowing not only is God protecting and providing for my children, but they are going to enjoy their one-on-one time with grandparents and their Daddy. Faith in knowing that HE KNOWS how badly I want my load lifted and faith in knowing that He will take care of that load. I am going with what I know will be a blessed time and I can come home and mop everything back onto my lists and be refreshed for a new school year, a new MOPS year and a new year of mothering.
*Believe it or not, I am NOT taking my computer with me to convention and my phone does not have Internet capabilities. I will be (sort of) technology free for a few days, which is much needed. I will, however, try and blog a bit before I go to convention. Blogging about all this craziness is making me feel much better!!! :)
