Countdown to MOPS Convention: OH MY!!!!!!!

Lately, I have been feeling like my feet are in concrete. You know, like those dreams you have when you're trying to run, but your feet are so heavy you never move? I feel like I am running, but my heart is so heavy that I am constantly staying in one place, never moving forward.

Enter: MOPS Convention 2010  Yep, that is right, I am going to Orlando, FL with nine other amazing women for four days and three nights of comradery, fun, growth, praise, worship and relaxation.  This convention really is God's amazing timing. I NEED this. I feel like my fuel is on empty. I need a great tune up from the greatest physician. I need my tank filled from the #1 powered fuel. My prayer is this convention empowers me as a mother, relaxes my very tired soul, and that God hears our prayers for this time of fellowship and fun and that His presence is felt the entire time.  

Now, anyone that knows me knows I have OCD-like qualities to my personality.  I have been planning for about two weeks on what to wear, pack, etc. I am bringing my own pillow(S) and my own blanket. I have already budgeted my lunch and supper. I have Lysol on my list of "To buy".  I have my jewelry matched to each outfit (okay earrings because the only other thing I wear is my mother's necklace and my wedding rings). (Throwing a rock into my plan of what I was wearing is when the beading on one of my shirts came unraveled..Cato..you will be seeing me for an exchange! I haven't even worn this shirt yet!!!!)  I have what medicine I will be bringing JUST IN CASE for the treatment of: 1.) If I sprain an arm, ankle, etc 2.) Stomach virus (nausea/diarrhea) 3.) Sore throat/cold symptoms 4.) Headache/Mild pain    I also have on my list of "to do": 1.) Wax eyebrows (done)  2.) Color hair  3.)  Pedicure/paint toe nails   I know this all sounds crazy, but I seriously have to write EVERY THING down or I will forget it. I mean, I couldn't believe I have to write down a list of "to-do" for basic upkeep on MYSELF! What is funny, is that when I did a search for the MOPS Convention logo, different photos came up, but one that caught my eye was this: 

Yep, MOPS (or a dust broom..whatever). What really made me think is how mops are used frequently by us mothers. My mop is used for my floor, yes, but often times "it" is used for something far more than just cleaning.    Often times you hear that the mind of a child is like a sponge.  They absorb everything they see, hear and are taught.  Well, I see my mind is that of a mop. I am constantly having to try and gather all of my thoughts and plans that are in a state of chaotic disarray.  When I was younger (much like my sweet Elijah), I remembered EVERYTHING. I remembered every detail. I am sure I probably could put a date and time with the detail as well (especially if it were something that was to my benefit, like a toy. :) )  Now, you pour water on my sponge and it just goes straight through. There is no locking in the moisture (information) with me!  I will forever probably be a slave to my "lists" and be mopping all of my thoughts/lists/plans on to them.

So, that whole mop thing got me a bit side-tracked. :)  I am really thankful for the opportunity to go to convention. I raised all but 15$ that it took to pay for the trip. That was a HUGE weight lifted for me. I really do need this break. My prayer is that this "feet in concrete" feeling that I have will be obliterated by God's mighty workings. I know He has GREAT things planned for this convention. I do need this alone time. I'm not really alone, but I am taking a "vacation" from my "job".  I actually guess I could say I am on a "business trip" since my "business" is motherhood-and that is what convention is ALL ABOUT!!

Four days, three nights without my children or husband. Hmm, I am having mixed emotions about this.  I really am looking forward to getting myself ready a few mornings without Makennah swiping my mascara and trying to "put on may-up" or the always "Mommy, I can't find my _______!!!!!! (fill in blank with ANYTHING two six year old boys can lose or look over) :)  I am so stinkin' excited about the girl time. I am so excited to be rooming with three fantastic women. I am looking forward to all of the inspiration and encouragement I know that will be showered on me.  I am looking forward to getting to know nine other wonderful women. I am SO excited to see what God is going to do in me AND in others mom's hearts! I am so ready for this time of praise and worship. I am so ready for this ME AND GOD time. I.NEED.IT.    Then, I start thinking of my sweet boys. I haven't been away from them but once, when they were about 15 months old, for two nights. I have NEVER been away from M except for her staying overnight with Maw Maw and Paw Paw (and that has only been a handful of times).   I almost have tears just thinking about it. I know I probably will shed a few tears while at convention. I will miss Chris. I trust in God and I know that my sweet babies will be taken care of by my parents and by their Daddy for this time I am away. I think that my Mama has some fun things planned for them and Chris may take them swimming at the pool for probably the last time(s) of this summer. I have a tinge of guilt for taking this trip. I know they will enjoy this time and hopefully won't even miss me much.  I really need to refuel, refocus and re-prioritize.  Really, Because Better Moms......

.....Really DO Make a Better World!!!!

I have a ton of anxiety about the trip and about leaving my family. I've never done this before. It is totally brand new to me. I feel, though, I am taking that giant leap of faith and just going with it. Faith in knowing that my God, my protector, will keep us safe as we travel and are at convention. Faith in knowing not only is God protecting and providing for my children, but they are going to enjoy their one-on-one time with grandparents and their Daddy. Faith in knowing that HE KNOWS how badly I want my load lifted and faith in knowing that He will take care of that load.  I am going with what I know will be a blessed time and I can come home and mop everything back onto my lists and be refreshed for a new school year, a new MOPS year and a new year of mothering.

*Believe it or not, I am NOT taking my computer with me to convention and my phone does not have Internet capabilities. I will be (sort of) technology free for a few days, which is much needed. I will, however, try and blog a bit before I go to convention. Blogging about all this craziness is making me feel much better!!! :)

No Good, Bad Day-Or Was It?

On rare occasions, I feel like I am totally rockin' the cape.....

But most days, I am so tired and it takes me forever to get my thoughts processed enough to know what I am doing that day.

Today, my cape was no where in sight (like most every day) and I was dragging. Not only was I running on little sleep, but I really didn't feel well. Last night, all three of my kids ran fever. Last night, all three of my kids ran fever at different times. It first started with M, then E and lastly N.  Not.A.Fun.Night.For.Mommy.

I am sure most would wonder why in the world I would take the time to blog at almost midnight if I am just SO incredibly tired. Well, fact is, blogging helps me clear my head. This is my form of "letting it out" for the time being. My thoughts have been racing all day, so many things have gone wrong and I have kept my cool.  Now, it is time to let it out, let it go, and move on!

Oh, let's not forget to mention I haven't been to the grocery in forever and we REALLY need some things. Fevers make it kind of hard to go to the grocery store when the only option you have is to take your kids with you. Another reason is that I STILL haven't made my menu plan for this pay period. It has taken me FOUR DAYS and I STILL haven't gotten anything accomplished really.

Menu, you will be defeated tomorrow!!!!!

A little preview of  the many hats that I wear:

Nurse, Mommy

Today has been a very, very lazy day.  With the exception of mealtime (and mealtime cleanup) we have really done nothing. Bummer, because I was really, really looking forward to going to church this morning. I missed last Sunday because I was lazy and the Sunday before I was teaching. This is the third Sunday in a row that I have missed and I really, really can tell. The kids were just as bummed as I was. We also had plans for Little River with AAA after church, but that was canceled as well.  I did get to watch most of the live feed, so that was a highlight.

Today has been one of those days that I have been attacked by the enemy on so many fronts. He knows that I am weak and a a low point and he is taking his swings. Today, has not been my day.

I did get some laundry done this evening. Amazing, when ALL of my clothes are clean aside from just a handful...my close is packed and I have NO ROOM in my drawers! And I thought I didn't have any clothes......

Moving along....:) The kids requested chocolate chip pancakes for supper.  Easy enough...or so I thought.  I have been known to not make really good from scratch pancakes. It isn't that the recipe isn't good..it's the chef. This is why I only buy pre-cooked bacon. I burn bacon..every time.

These pancakes looked fantastic. They were whole wheat (flour) blueberry chocolate chip. I was pretty excited about these.  Well, going along with the nothing has gone right for me today theme, I guess these pancakes decided to follow suite.

This is actually the SECOND cooking pan that I used. The first one I burned, too. My heat wasn't too high, I used enough butter...I have no idea what happened.

I got incredibly frustrated and just threw out the mix and put my pans in the sink. (Which surprisingly are now hanging out in the dishwasher-yes-I at least cleaned the kitchen right.)  I announced to the kids that they would be having cheese grits instead.  They were happy with that. Sweet kids (and husband), they put up with alot of flops in Mommy's cooking.

Needing to get out for a bit, after bath time we ventured to McDonald's and got snack size McFlurries. I am one that stands by the "no milk products with a fever" but they had Ibuprofen in and no fevers at the moment, so I felt after such a crappy, sickly day at least this may brighten the mood a bit...and it did. :) 

They got their last round of Ibuprofen (hopefully until morning) right before bed and tummies were happy, so praise the Lord! 

On days like this, I just want to shout "This has been a terrible, horrible, no good, really bad day!!!!"  But really, even after everything and the fact that it took me hours to upload pictures because my computer restarted :).........I still have to be thankful. Thankful that I have a God that loves me and never gave up on me, not for one second today. Thankful that even on the bad days, He is still there. Even on the bad days, He is still my Savior. Even on the bad days, on the days where I can't even think about loving myself, He loves me. Even on the days that are great and I am wearing my cape with pride or the days that I just want to stay in bed all day and shut out the world, He is with me.  It is really hard to remember that while in the moment of  anger because the pancakes burned, but that is one of many things that I am working on.

Looking back on the days events and being an exhausted nurse mommy...today really, truly wasn't bad at all. In fact, no matter how bad the days get (or how good), I am never alone.

".....And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." Matthew 28:20

Favorite Things: Kid's Books

Next week ends the summer reading program at our local library. Last year was the boys' first time attending and they loved it. This year has been no exception.  They really enjoy all the library has to offer. I really should go more often with them-without M.  We have been checking out some really good books lately and I fell compelled to share two that we read tonight (and I am sure will end up reading again and again.)

The Cat in the Hat's:On Beyond Bugs! All About Insects
by Trisha Rabe

If your kids love bugs as much as mine, this is a wonderful read.  They learned about the similarity between skunks and ladybugs, the spittlebug, bee's, moths and so much more. This book is actually educational and super fun for the kids. It may just be on my list of  "books to buy" !!!!

       Shiver Me Letters: A Pirate ABC   
by: June Sobel
Oh how entertaining is this book!  My boys really enjoyed the pirate "talk" and search for letters in this fun tale. The Captain sends his crew out to find all the letters of the alphabet or they will be forced to walk the plank!   Fun illustrations and catchy pirate rhymes keep any little shipmate's attention. :) This is possibly another "Book to Buy" for me!!                                                               

NOT SO "Sweet Emotion"

Last night, I felt a new emotion as a Mommy so fierce, so striking; it almost overwhelmed me. I am choosing not to go into a much detail as I have with cherished friends about this happening here, but more so channel into that "emotion" I had as a MOTHER. 

I am a mother that feels incredibly deep emotional ties to my children.  I now realize that C and I are fighting to maintain the innocense of our children in a world that wants to strip it away all too quickly. This world wants nothing more than to suck us up and spit us out forever damanged by it's effects. I, was one of those unfortunate ones that dealt with the worlds ugly reality. Not only do I pray that my children wear the armor of God, but I pray that I can help effectively coat that armor through my parenting that will build my children up into adults that are in this world and not of it. How tough is our job? The toughest job ever!

While venting to a handful of amazing women, one of my friends A said, "We are there to protect our children...and if that means the lioness comes out...so be it. No one else is gonna do it...."  She is right. No one else will protect our young like we can as parents. My God blessed me with these children and I see it as an honor, a privledge to have a love so deep as the loving of your own children can be. It is my job to protect them until they can protect themselves. As parents, it is OUR JOB to prepare our children for the cruel and scary world that awaits them. It is our job to teach them respect and right from wrong. It is our job to "train them up in the way they should go..."  It is my job to love these children unconditionally. I didn't say like them unconditionally, because, well sometimes that is just impossible! But to love them. Love them despite their faults, despite their failures, despite their accidents, despite their differences. To really love them in the good, the bad, the ugly.  We are to love as God loves us. He loves us despite it all.

I just pray that we can give them that godly foundation that they deserve. I often pray for the tools of parenting that no book can give me. I often pray for guidance in parenting. And I always find myself asking, "Lord, help ME to be a better parent."

I now think that with this "happening" that boiled up such emotion within my mothering soul behind me; I can look into the further with better understand of how to deal with myself when it happens again, and unfortunately, it will happen again.